The Awkward Human Survival Guide

The Awkward Human Survival Guide

The Awkward Human Survival Guide answers the uncomfortable questions everyone encounters on an unfortunately regular basis and talks to people around the world who embrace the stranger side of life.

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Hosted by Adam Dachis, Darren Herczeg, Erica Elson, and Richard Cardenas.

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90: Peanut Butter D-Cups

December 1, 2015 at 12:45PM • 1 hour 57 minutes • Wiki Entry

This week we're talking about canine romance, butt fodder, and embarrassing Google search histories. Sponsored by Axe Body Spray Vitamins. Want to ask a question on the show? Visit!

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Show Notes & Links Presented by CacheFly

Awkward Situation of the Week: Toni shares a story about period blood and Erica has an awkward bathroom conversation.

This Week's Questions:

  • Liz Anne (38/F) asks, "Coworkers, I will cut to the chase: I am 90% certain my mother is in love with her service dog. Define love? The way she could never love my father. I'll give you some background. My mom fucked my dad three times at least cuz you got me and my brothers. More than that I dunno. She was always quiet and after I went to college my lil bro called me cuz mom was passed out on the kitchen floor and turns out she tried to kill herself. It was just a lot of tylenol so she got pumped and went home. Mom saw a psychologist or something for years, then a couple years ago got a service dog for her depression and anxiety. She seemed great until I get a call from my dad. He says, 'sorry you gotta hear it like this but me and your mother split up.' I ask why, he says he doesn't know and she's crazy. He got really nutty about it. If I bring it up even today he won't talk about it. My dad is lonely. He doesn't seem happy but gets on. He doesn't date, just works and watches TV. I helped him clean once and found a lot of porn so the junk works I guess. You can't talk to him about women or dating. You can't talk to him about my mom. This confused me to shitsville forever until a few weeks ago. Mom seemed happy with the service dog and dad gone but I did not put two and two together until I saw some things. Mom had peanut butter in her cleavage. The dog was licking like it just ate peanut butter. They both came out of the bedroom. Another time I went into the closet to get mom her jewelry and found a strap-on harness in a grocery bag. It looked like for a kid. The service dog is a female and I now think it was for the dog. She lets the service dog lick her everywhere but her undercarriage when I'm around. She calls the service dog 'Barb' and has her hands on it unless she needs to use them for anything else. The dog sits in her lap at dinner. What else... She tells the dog creepy things like 'only you understand me' and 'you know what I like.' Maybe this sounds less strange in an email but I promise to god if you saw her with the service dog you would think they are boning too. I told my older brother. He laughed at me and said he agrees, but I don't think he's serious. What do I do? I don't know what to ask you even!"
  • Sam (20/SM) asks, "My GF searched 'my boyfriend is not well endowed' on Google. I caught a glimpse of it while she was switching between browser tabs on her phone. I know she loves me and I love her but this is hurting. Also, she would feel awkward if I asked her about this in person all blatantly. What should I do? Should I talk to her about this? (I know I may not be well endowed, but this is still hurting me. She seems to have multiple orgasms when we have sex, by the way)."
  • Anonymous asks, "Sorry this isn't funny but I was wanting to know how you know if someone loves you? Yes they can say it but how do you know?"
  • Drew (18/SM) asks, "Hey humans, I have 2 things: a suggestion for the 100th episode and a question. For the 100th episode, pick a body part (butts or armpits or vaginas or whatever) and talk about specifically that body part for the episode. Genitals might be best because sex is always a fun topic, but who doesn't love a good story about an armpit? My question might be useful if you guys use that idea and pick a butt theme, since it's about mine and what to fuck it with. I'm an 18 year old straight (probably) male and I've been trying to have more fun with sex recently. Putting things in my ass has always seemed sexy but I'm struggling to find good things to put in there. I'm always worried that I'll lose my grip on anything that's small and it'll get stuck inside me and I'll have to go to the hospital to get it out. Fingers are nice, but I want to have more options than just that. I live with my parents so ordering a dildo isn't an option. What else can I use? Also, my girlfriend (fake name Sarah) thinks almost everything about asses is disgusting, so how do i tell her that I enjoy this?"

Special Segment: Interview with Lucas, a Gay Republican

Final Thoughts: Adam and his sister perform "Mean to Me."

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